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The Darkest Superhero Movie


Logan leaves me a big hole on my chest

This post is neither a review nor a film discussion like my other film post. It is more like an impression that i felt during and after watching Logan. Personally, Logan is not really my favourite film. I couldn’t find anything interesting for me  to revisit this film.   No single scene in this film that i want to search and watch it again on Youtube. Logan exhhausts and depresses me.


When it comes to superhero film, no matter how good or bad the film is, i can always find a scene or moment that kindles the inner kid inside me to watch it again for numerous times on Youtube. Wheter it is the coolness, the funny, the silly or the baddass of the scene. I have soft spot on superhero theme,  CGI effect or action scene. Logan is different beast.

Long before i watched the film, i already raped the replay button of Logan trailer on Youtube. The trailer was so good that i thought the film will not even reach the greatness of the trailer. I’ve known the positive review cheering for this film.  I was prepared and ready for this film.

A few minutes kicks in, the film already drags me in to the deep abyss of depression and madness of its characters. Throughout watching the film, i thought to myself It is not a superhero film, it is something else.

I saw Wolverine is in a deep depression and Professor X suffer brain disease, turn him into madness old man -if he doesn’t take the drug- while lived and being treated by a mutant unknown its origin and background.  Wolverine and Professor X are probably the longest comic superheroes still appeared on the big creen in the same timeline and universe for over 17 years from the first X-Men film. Since the characters were played by the same actors,  i felt more connected to them.

In previous films, we saw Wolverine kicking ass along with other fellow cool and powerful mutants. Professor X can even kill entire human race with the help of Cerebro. X-men films is more like a display of cool badass motherfucker character with specific power. When there is a new character, we are always wondered and surprised by their special ability or power. They seemed to be undefeatable which is why the conflict often revolves around their own community.

I watched Logan and i couldn’t believe it is an X-men Film. The mutants remained only 3 of them and they are helpless. There is no more mutant with godlike power. During the film, i constantly say to myself “C’mon, Wolverine. Heal yourself. Tear them apart.  C’mon Professor X. Use the Telepath power. It can’t be happening. It is jus a nightmare. Where is Storm? Where is Cyclop, Jean Grey, Magneto? I bet these bad corporate guys will be wiped out by their friends single-handedly.”  I’m just like a kid shouted to his superhero.

Wolverine and the gang had prevented the rise of mutant killing robot, Sentinel, in X-Men: Days of Future Past. The depiction of the future in Logan is still far more horrifying than depiction in the future in X-Men the Days of Future past. The Future in X-Men DoFP is set in night, but Logan is still darker and bleaker even most of the time in film is day time. Maybe because the extinction of mutant is presumably caused by the most natural way: no more mutant born (which is not the reason why they extinct), so the characters think that mutant is not an evolution thing, it is just God’s mistake and there is no way they would turn back time once again.

The alienation and their hope to buy the mysterious Sun-Seeker are 2 of the things that depresses me the most. No true despair without hope. Logan has to travel far away from the crowd just to go home and treat his long friend. 2 old men wants to buy something to feel peace tells so many things about the world and the character in this film. What sadden me is these 2 old man were super powerful mutant that once i rooted for.

Logan doesn’t try to look cool or even what’s great is that it doesn’t try to over dramatize things. It is bleak just the way it is. Logan is a total opposite of X-Men Film or even any Superhero film. Aarrggh it is painful. Hiks.. ☹

Sekedar Berbincang dengan Otak Saya

Random Note

Just as the title says, it’s just a random note. Don’t take it seriously.


Catatan 21 oktober 2015
Look for someone
See no one there
And the wide space is dangling
And I just phantasize

The beat of my heart
The life I adore
The dead inside me
The harddened lone soul

Catatan 21 oktober 2015
Questioning things
Never demand anything
Why pressure?
Feed your own ego
Your pathetic life longs attention
seek it yourself!
Pity you, Brainless impulsive
Shallow mind
Enslaved to desire
I wish life is just eat and sleep

Catatan 20 september 2015
The sun stares at nothing
No shadow
Only light and endless black
A shining sun, an arrogant one
A pure black, a hollow one
The sun heats up
Still black
The sun is blazing
The sun is burning
But the only thing it burns is itself
It grows stronger
and smaller
And insignificant
And unworthy
a dot on black paper

A Blackhole in empty space

Gerimis mesra

Saya menyebutnya gerimis mesra. Turun di siang hari, tidak deras, hanya rintik-rintik dan memberikan kesejukan. Cuaca yang membuat kita ingin memeluk seseorang, atau setidaknya sesuatu. Suasana dan warna hari ikut berubah mengikuti hujan yang sendu ini. Langit menggelap, tetapi tidak segelap malam untuk mengingatkan hari sudah pagi. Saya tahu Tuhan pasti moodnya sedang baik saat menurunkan hujan ini. Bagi masyarakat Jakarta, cuaca sudah seperti perwujudan emosi Tuhan. Jika hujan turun atau bahkan deras, orang-orang kerap menganggap Tuhan sedang emosi atau sedang memberikan hukuman. Padahal gerimis mesra tidak menunjukkan emosi apa-apa. Menurut saya, Tuhan sedang memainkan tempo hari-hari manusia Jakarta. Jika ada hari-hari di mana cuaca sangat panas sekali atau hujan deras, Tuhan sedang memainkan tempo cepat. Kita buru-buru sampai di tempat agar secepatnya mendapat kesejukan atau berteduh sambil menggerutu dan khawatir akan rumah kita banjir atau tidak. Sedangkan untuk memainkan tempo lambat, Tuhan memberikan gerimis mesra. Kita berjalan tidak terlalu cepat karena jalanan sedikit becek, tapi tidak menghentikan aktifitas karena cuaca ini masih bisa ditempuh.
Bagi saya, gerimis mesra ingin mengatakan kepada kita manusia-manusia, “hey, pelan-pelan saja. Tidak ada yang perlu dikhawatirkan kok.”

Dan seperti yang sudah saya ungkapkan di atas, gerimis mesra membuat kita ingin memeluk seseorang. Seakan-akan Tuhan ingin mengingatkan dengan gerimis mesra ini, kita harus memiliki orang orang yang kita sayangi untuk dipeluk.

Gerimis mesra merupakan bukti bahwa Tuhan bisa adil. Bagi yang berada di dalam gedung atau kendaraan, mereka mendapatkan kesejukan lebih. Bagi mereka yang kurang beruntung, berada di luar, setidaknya tidak perlu menghirup racun di udara yang semakin mencekik. Mereka mendapatkan kesegaran pernapasan dan pemandangan. Ya, pemandangan. Menyenangkan memandang ekspresi orang-orang di luar saat gerimis mesra. Ada sedikit ketenangan di raut mereka. Di Jakarta yang ambisius dan emosional ini, memandangi orang-orang seperti ini saja sudah cukup melegakan. Jakarta yang basah dan indah.
Nb: kekurangan gerimis mesra adalah kita tidak bisa melihat rok mini seperti di hari yang panas, atau baju yang basah dan nyeplak seperti hari hujan turun. (Abaikan kalimat ini jika anda tidak memiliki selera humor)

Catatan 26 maret 2014

sebuah kejahatan menyebut alam suka menyeleksi

Sejauh yang saya tahu, alam tidak pernah mengatakan kalau ia suka menyeleksi. Saya rasa alam pun tersinggung jika apa yang selama ini ia lakukan disebut seleksi. Alam mungkin akan bilang, “Hey, ini bukan saya yang menyeleksi. Ada yang mati, ada yang hidup. Ini bukan soal pilihan. Itu sudah hukumnya seperti itu. Kalau tidak ada yang mati, jadi apa dunia ini? Kalian ini manusia yang selalu self-centered. Kalian senang menyeleksi, berkompetisi dan memberikan gelar “kalah-menang”, lalu kalian lantas memberikan label “seleksi alam” terhadap apa yang kita lakukan selama ini? Kami disamakan dengan perilaku manusia yang masih sangat belia ini? Seleksi alam? Kenapa tidak sekalian kalian katakan saja “gairah alam”, “hawa nafsu alam” atau “perjudian alam” bagaimana? Terdengar sangat manusia bukan?…..

Catatan 19 juli 2014
Socrates: Ok. Here’s the thing. I confuse. How can people nowadays easily bear this non stop flooding of information from the internet? Aren’t their heads exploding? I myself was already overwhelmed by the ethic and wisdom of my people in Greece. I didn’t even have a time to write a single book. Or is it me that really stupid?

Jesus: it’s simple. We set bad examples for them, Socrates.

Jesus takes small log. He carefully sees the log. He takes a knife and starts to carve the log.

Jesus: You said you were overwhelmed by the ethics and wisdom of your people and then you were questioning them. And what did it lead you to? Death sentence. That goes the same for me. I was executed because I answered too much.

Socrates: Do you mean what we did was meaningless?

Jesus: No, it means something. It means having sense of curiosity and the need of seeking the answer is dangerous. And if there was a question, the courage to answer it had already died. It died at the cross. It died in the glass that you drink.

Socrates: So are you saying people would still gobble any information they receive?

Jesus: Socrates, there’s a reason why you were born long before digital era. For example, let me take you back to my time. Following my birth, miracles and execution, people had 3 choices to believe. Believe me as a God, prophet or ordinary human (Read: fake prophet). Whichever they believe me as, unfortunately, they didn’t use their heads really much. They took my words lightly and literally. Hatred, pain suffering and goes on to this day. The crusade? (Chuckles) They pick what they want to believe and the logic comes after that. Just like your beloved king.

Socrates: My beloved king… But wait a minute. Since you mention it. What do you want human to believe you as? God, prophet, or ordinary human? You were mentioning logic, and my logic is having trouble believing you as God or even a prophet. Did you really die at the cross?

Jesus sees this conversation will be endless. So Jesus leaves Socrates just as he did to pharisees. Socrates can only look him from behind and questioning Jesus’s ethic.

Catatan 16 juni 2014

Saya adalah pedang panas. Tidak perlu menyayat daging lemahmu untuk merasakan panas pedang yang mendidih ini. Sentuh saja dengan ujung jarimu yang kau rasa paling bersih. Sentuh sedikit dengan halus dan pelan. Panas ini akan lelehkan kulitmu.

Pedang ini berpendar merah. Panas api yang membakar masih tertinggal. Jangan pura-pura dungu! Tangan dinginmu yang membakar pedang ini. Pedang ini memutuskan untuk meresap panas api itu. Membiarkannya berpendar agar indera penglihatanmu mengizinkan pikiran mengimajinasikan panasnya.
Lihatlah dengan sedikit empatimu yang miskin.

Catatan 14 juni 2014
Ray bingung kembali. Entah sudah berapa kali. Tuhan tahu betul cara membuat umat-Nya berpikir dan berkomunikasi dengan-Nya. Berikan saja masalah. Lalu tawarkan solusi yang terlihat paling memungkinkan. Biarkan si manusia mencerna solusi ini. Biasanya si manusi timbul harapan. Keimanannya kepada Tuhan semakin tumbuh dengan tawaran solusi ini. Di tengah puji syukurnya kepada Tuhan atas dugaan rencana yang indah ini,

Catatan 11 juni 2014

Ia memutuskan untuk merelakan dirinya dipanggil Raul. Tepatnya mulai ia berumur 27 tahun. Nama lengkapnya terdiri dari 4 kata yang semuanya bisa menjadi nama panggilan. Raul dirasa paling tepat untuk pekerjaan yang ia tekuni sekarang. Namanya harus bernada kuat, baik secara dilafalkan atau dituliskan dalam headline koran-koran nantinya. 2 suku kata, namun bisa dilafalkan dalam sekali hembus. Ia mebayangkan Raul seperti sebuah batu kasar tak berbentuk yang kuat dan kokoh. Kegunaan batu ini hanya untuk menghancurkan benda lain yang lebih lemah. Tidak lebih. Ia percaya dengan kekuatan kata-kata. Hanya nama ini yang menguatkan dia dalam bekerja. Bukan nama marga dari seorang Ayah, nama panggilan sayang kekasih atau ibu, bahkan nama tokoh yang dihormati. Tidak ada nama lain dalam hidupnya.

Kata anak buahnya, ia adalah reinkarnasi Hitler dan George Carlin. Ia bisa sangat menakutkan saat melucu atau lucu saat menakutkan. “Pak Raul itu setan dalam wujud terbaiknya. Mengerikan, tapi menghibur. Bagaimana donk?” Keluh sekretaris Raul. Dua-duanya tidak ada yang menguntungkan anak buahnya…..

Saya dan Karya Seni

The Delusional Man and The Possessive Visual

To witness a perfection of face
And no avail to touch the tip
Are a mortal agony

The eyes seize all the pleasure
Leaving other senses in imagination and misery
An ecstatic and selfish enjoyment
One sense with unbearable desire
A suffocation is its reward

One would never know a beauty can crush and torment this soul
A beauty that linger around your neck gently
So every breath and heart beat thumping each other
As the consciousness suppressed by this thrill
Sets you in peril
Being the one with devoid of feel
The thing that never reaches you end up pains you the most

Saya dan Karya Seni

Another Trip Down Memory Lane

Just soda and crackers
we owned the night
Extending it to years of joy,
years of laughter
and the silence of life left us a space
the absence of light gave us a time
to look on every corner of shared memory
where they were flashing like a blitz in our pitch-black mind
yet, we smiled to them,
the younger version of us,
with a suppressed ecstatic feeling
and a wistful look on our face

the night was eternal
memories streched longer
but dreams propel farther

we don’t dream big
we dream far…
as far as we can walk together